Ever experience anything in life you think would never happen to you or at least it would be so hard to imagine? I consider my life to be quite steady and I am very fortunate to have such an abundance of blessings. What I am about to explain may or may not be as big or as painful as many struggles in life others experience but if I reflect about the situation..in my perspective, it truly is a big slap in the face. I have and try to always be the person to never regret things but it instead of saying “no regrets”, I can now say “never say never”.
A little background on the past…
I dated this guy for about a year and a half, officially. Then saw each other on and off for about 2-3 years. It was quite sometime but I must say it’s not really the length of time that made the relationship what it was. We dated during college. Those college years..selfish years, growing up years, and finding yourself years.
I learned to become patient and understanding from this relationship. I learned to be persistant, to trust, and give chances. Most importantly, I learned to love and to truly care for someone. In other words, I felt what it was like to genuinely care for someone whether I loved them or not.
When the relationship first ended, it was actually never clear to me why or how it happened but it did and we moved on from that. The years of seeing each other on and off, I realized it was just infatuation or comfort of being with each other. Things were bound to end at a point in time, though I honestly wanted us to be together and make it work.
Finally, I found out some news. News that is still painful until now. News that would make me a fool if I never found out. This guy whom I dated for a good amount of time and who I absolutely genuinely cared for no matter the situation…he had hooked up/had sex with a family member of mine. A close family member. This situation may or may not have been such a huge deal to me if it were someone else. Just not my family.
Reflecting back to the relationship we had now, it’s hard not to ask if he really loved me or at least cared for me as much as I did. Did I really know him? Did I really let myself be so vulnerable to him to feel the way I did without the feelings being mutual?
People make mistakes and are tempted by many things. I try to understand this but it is so hard to wrap around my mind for someone to be able to do that. I am so hurt by what had happened, it has brought me to question if the past years with him were geunine…at all? Was he really who I thought he was?
We get hurt, we move on. It’s good for the soul to stop and reflect sometimes..
Tübingen, Baden-Württemberg, Germany